In too deep

Posted on by mypastmademe

He waded further in than any other

peeling back the layers

catching the dead leaves

as I sought to hide myself

Scared to disrobe my mind

my heart

Duped by the easyness

tricked by imaginary signs

leading me astray

I fooled myself into thinking I’d know

which one

and when

Being led by a foolish heart.

I have finally retreated

abandoned the future I had desired

the appeal now lost.

One silent, one gone

and another gazing from above

still cradling my heart.

In truth

I’ve now let go of the notion of anyone

except myself.

I have always been here

and I will never leave

© mypastmademe.com 2019

 

Vapour

Posted on by mypastmademe
Morning Song by ductruc courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

He was a soul of old

a visitor in dreams

a knight on a horse

His white carriage borrowed

weighted down with his sadness

rescuing me to escape his own nightmare

Gentle, quiet … lost

in him I found myself

A kindred spirit

a pot of honesty

until my heart reached for his

Emotions unleashed

masking my own sorrow

searching for safety

Before he ran

disappearing like the morning dew

evaporating into the sun

And I

left

A shining pearl atop a leaf

furling in on myself

hiding from the light

© mypastmademe.com 2019

Summit

Posted on by mypastmademe

“Firework” by Serge Bertasius Photography image courtesy of www. FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I stand upon a mountain-top

my face raised to the sun

skirts billowing

It took so long to get here

to this pinnacle

… a plane of freedom

… a place of comfort

No more will I cower

self-doubts extinguishing confidence

No more will I conceal my true self

authenticity eradicating falsity

The hands on the clock face have moved

and my time is now.

© http://www.mypastmademe.com 2017

Conceding defeat

Posted on by mypastmademe

“Time Time” image by prozac1 courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My eyelids heavy with sleep

I will dream of him no more

The visions I delighted in are futile,

infused with the poison of mirage

I was the one chasing

barefoot

oblivious

And he, merely a bystander

a witness to my struggles

as I entered a forbidden land

proffering a cocktail of lies

falsities, handed to myself

Drinking the drug of illusion

fuelling the fire of imagination

When really there is nothing more from him

no electricity

no interest

and no room left in my heart for misjudgement

© mypastmademe.com 2017

Enveloping powerlessness

Posted on by mypastmademe

View Of Mormon Row Near Jackson Wyoming by Phil_Bird courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The territory is familiar

I don’t know where the borders are

the boundaries to contain my behaviour

For the first time

I want to be a better person

reluctant to repeat old mistakes

Yet logic and emotions collide

and I want to rebel

at being constrained

Wrestle free of the boundaries,

the fences penning me in

It feels impossible to stay silent

to retain my peace

At some point I gave my power away

and I am at a loss as to how to get it back

© mypastmademe.com 2017

Bewildering Clarity.

Posted on by mypastmademe

Shiny New Padlock On An Old Door Stock Photo courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 
Echoes of my childhood

filter into my adult being

Strands of negativity

that took root behind closed doors

Always the troublemaker

the target of blame

Seeking security, attention,

love.

Sour memories contradict

the happy times

The laughter, the unity

precipitating a fragmented family

Separate lives, isolated feelings

And I, 

the intersecting burden and blessing,

the glue

The woman

nurturing a trapped inner child.

© mypastmademe.com 2017

Blind.

Posted on by mypastmademe

dirty-background-with-broken-heart-by-fotographic1980

“Dirty Background With Broken Heart” by fotographic1980 courtesy of http://www.FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

It was the safest place

being wrapped in your arms …

I can still feel the touch of your skin,

the warmth of your embrace

All those precious moments now lost,

bleeding from my heart,

the searing recognition of what I once had

Crippling pain,

regret and guilt suffocating

Never to hear your laugh again,

or look into those bright blue eyes,

hear your voice soften as you reassure,

so blind to the gift that was right in front of me.

Eternally sorry,

I am broken

without you,

my love.

©mypastmademe.com 2016

Frozen Heart.

Posted on by mypastmademe

 

heart-by-graur-codrin

“Heart” by graur codrin courtesy of http://www.FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I can feel my heart hardening again

frosting over

the shards of ice melding together

Frozen solid

the construction of an impenetrable fortress building

once again

No more do I dream of knights and saviours

eyes wide open, surveying instead

the players

the disillusioned

It doesn’t serve to be open

in affairs of the heart

My honesty a toxic poison

Better to remain concealed:

The Dreamer.

There is safety in dreams

and pain in the reality of being ‘too much’.

©mypastmademe.com 2016

Inescapable unfurling.

Posted on by mypastmademe

%22Pink Plumeria%22 by rakratchada torsap

“Pink Plumeria” by rakratchada torsap courtesy of http://www.FreeDigitalImages.net

It’s too late!

The emotions have taken hold,

the connection solidified

and I am doomed.

This time there is no door to shut

there is only openness

Inexplicable ease

Safety

With no idea or sense of any reciprocation

I will now have to mask what is blossoming

So unexpected

and utterly inescapable.

I never meant for the flowers to bloom …

the petals unfurling

for you.

© mypastmademe.com 2016