Inescapable unfurling.

%22Pink Plumeria%22 by rakratchada torsap

“Pink Plumeria” by rakratchada torsap courtesy of http://www.FreeDigitalImages.net

It’s too late!

The emotions have taken hold,

the connection solidified

and I am doomed.

This time there is no door to shut

there is only openness

Inexplicable ease

Safety

With no idea or sense of any reciprocation

I will now have to mask what is blossoming

So unexpected

and utterly inescapable.

I never meant for the flowers to bloom …

the petals unfurling

for you.

© mypastmademe.com 2016

Expansion.

 

I can feel the burgeoning swell in my chest

%22Input%22 by Idea go

“Input” by Idea go courtesy of http://www.FreeDigitalPhotos.net

an expansion

making room for you

amidst my grief

A longing has surfaced

undeniable

immutable

a door opened in my mind

the gateway to my heart

Tears threaten

wondering what will be

whether futility will mock

so I cling to signs

Symbols of mutual feeling

where there might be none

since you grieve too

Wondering if this knowing

resides only in my imagination

Awoken by the complete trust

fearful that I’m already falling

Hopeful that you feel it too

If not now, then one day

Soon.

© mypastmademe.com 2016

 

Celestial Wishes.

Spirit by dan

“Spirit” by dan courtesy of http://www.FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

My love,

May you brighten up the velvet nights

a diamond amongst the stars.

May you paint magnificent rainbows

as you watch us from afar.

May you know I would do anything just for one more day,

I still have so much to tell you, so much more I need to say.

May you still remember the best of me,

may you somehow know the truth.

May you feel the neverending love

we will always have for you.

May we feel you stand beside us

seeing you without sight

May you share in the joy you gave us,

our beacon, our guiding light.

May you realise I still loved you,

always will, my precious soul

… that the words were said inside my head

… that you still made me whole

May you know I am lost without you,

my love, my dear, my sweet,

my heart now barely beating …

each day the greatest feat.

May you feel my thanks, my gratitude

for everything we shared

we packed so much in those few years

I still deeply loved and cared.

May you soar like an eagle,

my beautiful, innocent man,

not feel any sorrow or worry

… I’ll do the best I can.

May you walk alongside our children

feel their laughter, stem their tears,

guide them, love them, watch them

give them comfort through their fears.

May you always know the truth

of the feelings I still held for you,

that if I’d recognised my stubbornness

I’d have rushed to start anew.

Oh my love, I feel so broken

You are no longer here

So many things we went through,

now everything is clear.

Life, it overtook us,

clouded up our view;

something once so precious and perfect

took on a rusty hue.

We let our love escape, but you found it within again

yet I selfishly denied my own

fearful, too proud  … and then

God took you

and destroyed me

I’ll never understand.

And it was only then I realised

that you’d always held my hand.

© mypastmademe.com 2016

 

Eternal coupling.

Hearts Chained Forever by Danilo Rizzuti

Hearts Chained Forever by Danilo Rizzuti courtesy of http://www.FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I will be chained to you for eternity

a glistening trail of links

attaching me to you

so that your name,

your voice,

your love,

your essence

is imprinted upon my heart.

Each tear a tribute to you,

each day a remembrance of you.

Infinitely yours

Finitely broken

God help me.

©www.mypastmademe.com 2016

 

 

The Heart’s Ruse.

Digital Background by dream designs

Digital Background by dream designs courtesy of http://www.FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Sometimes we are so desperate to forgive

that the mind succeeds

but the heart unknowingly stalls

It is an illusion of forgiveness.

A spiteful, cruel, malicious trick

so that when your gift has gone

you are left empty

because the dam bursts

after the target has evaporated.

No more comfort

No more sharing

No more oneness

Left with the true meaning of

Alone.

©mypastmademe.com 2016

Spurious Barricade.

Art Background by smokedsalmon

Art Background by smokedsalmon courtesy of http://www.FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The swell of grief entombs me

traps my spirit

caged

crushed.

When I smile

guilt soaks me

the sting of tears mocking.

A barrage of realisations,

revealing what I let die

the beauty I suffocated

in my eagerness to be free.

Except I never asked for my freedom …

you chose it

and then I locked you out.

All my promises of love

washed away by my own selfishness.

So now regret consumes me

and my only reason to carry on

is the legacy you left.

How I wish you hadn’t

left me.

©mypastmademe.com 2016

 

 

Futile rupture

Broken Heart Sign, Loss Of Love Concept by cuteimage

Broken Heart Sign, Loss Of Love Concept by cuteimage courtesy of http://www.FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I have waded through problems

Trudged forwards

for years

Shining at times,

illuminated by my determination

Gilded with hope for a future

without pain

Buried my love for you

shielded my heart

bound it tightly

… so even those 3 words

couldn’t break it open

Then one morning

the phone call

And my heart shattered.

The love ruptured

pouring from the depths of my being

with nowhere to go

Such a blind, selfish fool

I was

Now wracked with guilt

Ravaged by regret

You were my beacon all along

My love.

My soulmate.

My loss.

©mypastmademe.com 2016