Losing

There are times when my eyes shine black

when all the anger spills from me like a burst dam

And I loathe myself for it

I flit from beautifying myself to despising my reflection

The mirror bleeds with pity and spitefulness

Was I always this way or was I manufactured?

He is still winning in those fleeting moments

  when I wonder if it really was my fault

  whether I asked for those fists to rein down on me

  when there must have been a reason for him to be repelled

And then my face softens

My shield goes up in protection

  and I know it wasn’t my fault

My situation is my cage

I feel like an injured bird

  with my wings clipped and sore

How long will recovery take?

When will I find the clearing in the woods?

  with the blue sky to laze beneath

  and the soft breeze to kiss my face

Long blades of grass and flowerbeds with roses

My body dipped in peace and serenity

I keep searching and running

I just want to reach the finish line

  before something inside me dies

© www.mypastmademe.com 2011

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