Alice in Dangerland

When did the ground start to open again?

  the black shadow darkness

  looming like a noose

How did I miss the sign

  telling me to stop

  before I fall?

Have I fallen yet?

Or am I standing on the edge

  of the abyss?

Nothing is falling past me,

  no clocks or rabbits

so I must still be safe

Yet danger is hugging me

  and sadness is choking me

Shall I just take the next step anyway?

  to feel the expectant relief

  of failure and stillness?

It feels harder to stand

  on the edge right now

When did I lose myself?

  and why is my soul fighting

  being found?

The answers are always the same

But the questions are forever changing

I’m so tired of it

Tired of myself

Lost.

Again.

© www.mypastmademe 2011

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2 responses to “Alice in Dangerland

  1. great title!
    I can really understand those last few lines. It is so deeply tiring, finding ourselves caught up in a ceaseless cycle of personal pain, with no absolution in sight. And it gets tiring, trying to convince everyone else that all is ok.
    I do believe sometimes we just have to give in a little to it, rather than try to avoid feeling this way. Otherwise it just collects under the surface, eating us up, we’ll never be able to shake it off. I know there are so many who would disagree with me on that though!

    • I’m totally with you on that! At the moment I’m struggling between releasing emotions when I’m able to be alone (basically having a good cry!) and then putting a smile on my face and carrying on. I know everything will be okay, I know I’ve made all the right decisions for once, but the hurt is there and will be for a while. Because of experiences in my distant past I am a firm believer in letting the negative emotions out (within reason), otherwise it just takes root deep down and festers. I have reiki healing when I can so I feel I have help in many ways. The title … I was pretty darn pleased with that one! 🙂

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