Rudderless ~ A Poem for My Grandmother

Rose Close Up by anankkml/
If you were here now
  you would tell us to get on with it,
  to move forwards with the hands of time.
You would take charge, as you always did,
  standing at the helm,
  riding out the storm.
We would buck or follow, sulk or smile
  but loving you all the while,
  respecting you and trying to please.
For all the times I put my feelings first instead of yours,
  I am so very sorry …
But you know this,
  for the tsunami of tears rises heavenward.
If you were here now
  you would be proud of us pulling together,
  shipmates … your family.
Most of us only exist because of you …
  so now the ship has no direction,
  floating vacantly with no-one to steer, to lead.
If only you were here now.

4 responses to “Rudderless ~ A Poem for My Grandmother

  1. There is always power in thinking about those who have been central to our lives. This is timeless and will be as powerful ten years from now as it is today. Your Grandmother sounds as if she was a person who drove the currents of life rather than letting them drive her, bringing out the best in others while she did so. My bet is that she will be as good a rudder in the future as she has been in the past. It will just take time for you to discover that.

    • I said to one of my cousins that, strangely, now that our Grandmother has gone I feel her presence more than ever. Yes, she was amazing; such a spirited woman and a true inspiration, although – as is sadly often the case – I did not fully appreciate her until it was too late. Beautiful words of comfort from you, thank you so much. 🙂

    • Thanks for your kind words. I am sorry for your loss, and over a year has passed for you already; I hope you have found relief in fond memories? For me, it’s just 2 weeks, already seeming to pass so quickly … even when expected the loss felt devastating, although each day becomes easier. I was still reeling from the shock, I think, and as my Grandmother was the head of a huge family it’s just how it felt … like a ship without a rudder. x

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