Spurious Barricade.

Art Background by smokedsalmon

Art Background by smokedsalmon courtesy of http://www.FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The swell of grief entombs me

traps my spirit

caged

crushed.

When I smile

guilt soaks me

the sting of tears mocking.

A barrage of realisations,

revealing what I let die

the beauty I suffocated

in my eagerness to be free.

Except I never asked for my freedom …

you chose it

and then I locked you out.

All my promises of love

washed away by my own selfishness.

So now regret consumes me

and my only reason to carry on

is the legacy you left.

How I wish you hadn’t

left me.

©mypastmademe.com 2016

 

 

Futile rupture

Broken Heart Sign, Loss Of Love Concept by cuteimage

Broken Heart Sign, Loss Of Love Concept by cuteimage courtesy of http://www.FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I have waded through problems

Trudged forwards

for years

Shining at times,

illuminated by my determination

Gilded with hope for a future

without pain

Buried my love for you

shielded my heart

bound it tightly

… so even those 3 words

couldn’t break it open

Then one morning

the phone call

And my heart shattered.

The love ruptured

pouring from the depths of my being

with nowhere to go

Such a blind, selfish fool

I was

Now wracked with guilt

Ravaged by regret

You were my beacon all along

My love.

My soulmate.

My loss.

©mypastmademe.com 2016

Perpetual absorption

Smoke On The Black Background by foto76

Smoke On The Black Background by foto76 courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

You are in my mind

and all around me,

a translucent vapour.

My wreath of obsession.

Encircling,

settling,

consuming.

I want to keep you there:

nested,

within reach.

Until I face my fears

and draw you near.

©mypastmademe.com 2016

 

 

 

Fatal Recognition

Images bombard me,

plumes of butterflies

whenever I see

your beautiful face

All day long

The fear evaporated,

obstacles pushed away

knowing the inevitable truth

Drinking in every encounter,

awash with certainty

Breathless with anticipation

I yield.

© mypastmademe.com 2015

Entranced

The energy has shifted,

my defences down,

revealing something of my true self.

Finally.

I am alive when I think of you,

yearning to lay beside you,

listen to the story of your life,

soothed by the lilt of your voice,

transfixed by those amber eyes,

lifted by the strength emanating from you,

protected in a way I have never known before.

You still and awaken me

simultaneously.

I am left powerless,

the allure enveloping,

the endearment of your quiet vulnerability

consuming.

It is only a matter of time

and I no longer wish to run.

© mypastmademe.com 2015

 

 

 

Unforeseen Diversion

"Stairs" Image courtesy of Adam Hickmott at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Stairs” image courtesy of Adam Hickmott at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

It was an unknown fragility

paper thin,

a crisp leaf underfoot

Growing up behind a gossamer veil

indiscernible,

masking my weaknesses

Now torn, a gaping hole

clarity abounds

with bitter obviosity

So I am left the fool.

My self-perception cradled

in the palm of my hand.

The facets of my personality

unknowingly attributed to something else.

My inner monologue shifting

between vitriolic criticism

and soothing compassion.

Pity is shunned

in the wake of a new freedom

discovering that I was on the underpass,

prevented from reaching the surface

where I now stand:

vulnerable

resilient

authentic.

My true self.

© mypastmademe.com 2015