Blind.

dirty-background-with-broken-heart-by-fotographic1980

“Dirty Background With Broken Heart” by fotographic1980 courtesy of http://www.FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

It was the safest place

being wrapped in your arms …

I can still feel the touch of your skin,

the warmth of your embrace

All those precious moments now lost,

bleeding from my heart,

the searing recognition of what I once had

Crippling pain,

regret and guilt suffocating

Never to hear your laugh again,

or look into those bright blue eyes,

hear your voice soften as you reassure,

so blind to the gift that was right in front of me.

Eternally sorry,

I am broken

without you,

my love.

©mypastmademe.com 2016

One Fine Day.

Reed by Vlado courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net

Reed by Vlado courtesy of http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

As I sit here now

do the stars glint for me?

Shimmer their beauty

The dead night lit by diamonds

Blackness that once matched my heart

My beat, my soul

glows with love

Time shifts, a chasm before me

To step back to yesterday

A world whiled away in an instant

Or to bend … a reed folding into tomorrow

‘Tis hardest staying still

Fixed in my disillusions

Battling the desire

to have someone by my side

A protector, lover of life

of me

Arms will wrap around me

reassurance will envelop again

This purgatory will dissolve

and stoke the fires of passion

nurture that which was once broken

One fine day.

 

(Written in 2012)
© mypastmademe.com 2014

Whispers of love

So … the ol’ tear ducts have had a workout this week (a now-dead anniversary (relationship ended, nothing worse)), and the last few days I’ve had this song going through my head … you know, the sort that conjures up in your mind when you’re just driving along and you suddenly start humming, and if you’re lucky you fit words to it (I can’t remember the first words I sang, am sure they were better).  Anyway, this little paragraph will explain the repetition  🙂   The melody is, I would say, like a Celtic lullaby, in a soft voice.  It might not read well, but sounds lovely in song  🙂

Every day, every day

  you’ll hear my whisper

  every day

Down by the ocean,

  across the sea

That’s where you’ll find me,

  that’s where I’ll be

Every day, every day

  you’ll hear my whisper

  every day

My heart’s still broken,

  torn in two

Thought we’d be a lifetime,

  me and you

Every day, every day

  you’ll hear my whisper

  every day

© www.mypastmademe.com 2011

Far from calm

It’s been an emotional week and I have been far from calm, hence this posting and a couple of others … a flurry of activity from pen and mind   🙂

He comes with the darkness

  when the vapours of calm

  are sucked away

and I am left in a vacuum

  of nothing

He storms within me

  a tsunami of rage

  that I have to fight to quell

The waves are borne of anger, hurt, confusion

  and they froth at my mouth

  pick at my soul

I don’t understand

  why these things happen

but I don’t question,

  I don’t regret,

  I don’t pity

For I am blessed

I am loved

I am whole

© www.mypastmademe.com 2011

The Fabric of Time

This poem is ‘forced’ and I think it shows … but I wanted to join in Luna’s Poetry Month Clambake (Week 1)  🙂

The clock ticking,

  the swell of my heart burdensome

  as emotions spill forth

The pillow sodden,

  tears absorbed, lost in the fabric

Memories flickering like a cinema reel

  age 8, carefree

  age 13, shy and unworldly

  age 23, believing, hopeful

  29, broken.

Tick tock

Time doesn’t stop

© www.mypastmademe.com 2011

Thanks Luna!

Fool

Full Moon Over Water by Exsodus/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Foolish, foolish heart of mine

  so willing to fall, so blind

Gentle he was when it suited

  hiding behind a mask

The lies thick as the dead night

And somewhere on a moonlit pond

  lies my shattered heart

  my broken dreams

  and the loss of all that I thought I had

So now the tears fall

© www.mypastmademe.com 2011

Empty

Emptyness has taken hold

  and stolen my emotions,

  my sympathy

So cold inside

  I have nothing to offer

Confusion has me in its path

  storming towards me

And I cannot move

  cannot see

Everything discoloured

  my life fading to grey

Two angels sleeping nearby

  my life, my reason

  pieces of me existing outside of my body

Why did he slash my heart,

  score it, dice it?

I was a fool

  besotted, betrayed

The disease was there all along

  holding hands with deceit

A new crossroads

  but this time a blizzard

  the signs obscured

  and two young hearts to crush

But what of mine?

What of my sorrow?

  my pain?

What lesson is this

  to be learned, endured?

Always trusting,

  eternally the fool

A leap of faith?

  or a plunge to death?

© www.mypastmademe.com 2011

Losing

There are times when my eyes shine black

when all the anger spills from me like a burst dam

And I loathe myself for it

I flit from beautifying myself to despising my reflection

The mirror bleeds with pity and spitefulness

Was I always this way or was I manufactured?

He is still winning in those fleeting moments

  when I wonder if it really was my fault

  whether I asked for those fists to rein down on me

  when there must have been a reason for him to be repelled

And then my face softens

My shield goes up in protection

  and I know it wasn’t my fault

My situation is my cage

I feel like an injured bird

  with my wings clipped and sore

How long will recovery take?

When will I find the clearing in the woods?

  with the blue sky to laze beneath

  and the soft breeze to kiss my face

Long blades of grass and flowerbeds with roses

My body dipped in peace and serenity

I keep searching and running

I just want to reach the finish line

  before something inside me dies

© www.mypastmademe.com 2011

Lost

And the flakes of sorrow drip from my eyes

  dissolving into a pool

  reflecting my empty soul

My face distorted

Ripples of shame and guilt

Someone’s finger piercing the pattern

Exploding my heart from within

And the blood spreads

The floor red and deep

I can no longer see myself

Where is my form?

The outline a haze

Fuzzy thoughts and feelings

Self doubt, self crucifixion

Labelling myself, crying out in horror

  and pain

A thousand needles pricking my eyes

Where the pupils dilate

  and the colour contracts

As I look out onto this world

This plane of nothing

I know I have lost my way

The blood has reached my neck

And I can no longer swim

© www.mypastmademe.com 2011