Blind.

dirty-background-with-broken-heart-by-fotographic1980

“Dirty Background With Broken Heart” by fotographic1980 courtesy of http://www.FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

It was the safest place

being wrapped in your arms …

I can still feel the touch of your skin,

the warmth of your embrace

All those precious moments now lost,

bleeding from my heart,

the searing recognition of what I once had

Crippling pain,

regret and guilt suffocating

Never to hear your laugh again,

or look into those bright blue eyes,

hear your voice soften as you reassure,

so blind to the gift that was right in front of me.

Eternally sorry,

I am broken

without you,

my love.

©mypastmademe.com 2016

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Frozen Heart.

 

heart-by-graur-codrin

“Heart” by graur codrin courtesy of http://www.FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I can feel my heart hardening again

frosting over

the shards of ice melding together

Frozen solid

the construction of an impenetrable fortress building

once again

No more do I dream of knights and saviours

eyes wide open, surveying instead

the players

the disillusioned

It doesn’t serve to be open

in affairs of the heart

My honesty a toxic poison

Better to remain concealed:

The Dreamer.

There is safety in dreams

and pain in the reality of being ‘too much’.

©mypastmademe.com 2016

Unforeseen Diversion

"Stairs" Image courtesy of Adam Hickmott at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Stairs” image courtesy of Adam Hickmott at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

It was an unknown fragility

paper thin,

a crisp leaf underfoot

Growing up behind a gossamer veil

indiscernible,

masking my weaknesses

Now torn, a gaping hole

clarity abounds

with bitter obviosity

So I am left the fool.

My self-perception cradled

in the palm of my hand.

The facets of my personality

unknowingly attributed to something else.

My inner monologue shifting

between vitriolic criticism

and soothing compassion.

Pity is shunned

in the wake of a new freedom

discovering that I was on the underpass,

prevented from reaching the surface

where I now stand:

vulnerable

resilient

authentic.

My true self.

© mypastmademe.com 2015

Pinball denial

Standing Out Metallic Balls Shows Leadership by Stuart Miles courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net

Standing Out Metallic Balls Shows Leadership by Stuart Miles courtesy of http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

You filter in and out of my dreams

Soft-focus images just beyond my grasp

The signs I asked for only confused

A metal ball rolling around

I smack against the hard walls

crack my armour, bruise my core

Was the visual image misleading?

Seeking external perfection

when really the gold lies within,

the shining heart

shafts of truth and loyalty

bursts of protection

Hands outstretched,

but help is not needed

just my company desired

my smile, my being

Please reach out to me

For I don’t recognise you …

(Written in 2012)
© mypastmademe.com 2014

Questionable Juncture

“Confronting The Morning” by prozac1/www.FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I said I’d wait for you

this man, the one I dreamed of

So sure you’d find me,

be led into my life

The gap it lengthens so …

tiredness setting in

My weary heart needing a friend

a bond

Doubt seeping through,

the membrane thinning

Wrong choices now feared

I can’t work out who you are …

©www.mypastmademe.com 2012

 

Glass half full

Sunrise Behind Trees by dan/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A flurry of confusion has passed

trapped in a dizzying spin,

a cycle of questions

Trying to fill the void

which I myself create

Reaching out to others

though I hold the answers

within myself

No accessories needed

only the miracles borne from me

Life presented an unplanned reality

but this skittle is still standing

defying logic

© www.mypastmademe.com 2012