Abundant Gifts

Pink Cosmos Flower Close Up by criminalatt courtesy of www.FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Pink Cosmos Flower Close Up by criminalatt courtesy of http://www.FreeDigitalPhotos.net

To speak of the beauty of a flower

swaying in a breeze

is to breathe the essence

of everything I think I am.

To wonder at a branch

adorned with buds

is to recognise hope

proffered by the future.

To stop and marvel,

be thankful for all that is

must be my goal.

Forgetting ego,

diminishing others’ judgements

… save for those I love.

© mypastmademe.com 2014

Stop. Go.

 

I have written several sentences on this screen and deleted each one, not quite sure what to write.  I want to post, want normality, but the world changed for me in February with the loss of a very dear friend.  I think of him every day, more so on sunny days.

It is a tragedy that sometimes it takes the loss of a special soul to make us realise that we were not living.  It all felt so dark at first, such a shock … but then my beliefs helped me through.  In recent weeks I have cried more, but I can also look up and smile, and speak.  I send love and healing to his loved ones and others feeling his loss … it eases the ache and makes me feel like I’m helping.

My heart is so heavy.  To all those whom I’d ever sympathised with before, consoled for their loss, I never truly realised the depths of the pain.  I have been so lucky, so blessed … just as I was to know this man, this special person who lit up everyone he met.

There are poems somewhere … I know I wrote a bit when the numbness began to fade, but I don’t know where they are.  They will turn up, and I will register the rainbows once again … soon.  But not yet.

I think this world is so harsh … not just in terms of Mother Nature’s wrath, or the terrible acts committed by some people, the reasons behind them … but in so many ways people just seem to barge their way through the world without taking stock, without caring or attending to others’ feelings.  I will never fully understand why someone who was so genuine and honest had to leave so soon, and there will always be a chink in my heart … the scar of loss … a friend of many years with whom I shared an unspoken bond, someone who helped me through tough times and, I hope, took comfort from my words in hard times also.  It was a privilege to watch him take flight … to soar, to accomplish, and ultimately find happiness with his soulmate whose grief I cannot imagine.

I sit here typing and I know I am not the same person I was when I started this blog.  My priorities have changed, my values have deepened … I am altered.  I value myself more now and I finally know exactly who I am.  The path still stretches ahead of me, my destination uncertain … but the journey is wondrous and there are lanterns aglow way further than I can see.  I miss my friend.  I know he will always light a beacon for me to head towards when I begin to feel lost.  It is an inner conflict that I feel the happiest I’ve ever felt, yet the world has dimmed and I can’t undo it.  Acceptance is the only way forward, bolstered with love and hope.

Be kind to each other.  Cherish those you love; tell them what they mean to you.  I will be back soon. x

 

Rainbow by Rosemary Ratcliff courtesy of www.FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

I have it all.

A hush descends upon the house

  the only noise being the thoughts in my head

  … the worries and stresses

Will it always be like this?

Will I break the mould,

  wriggle free?

Shatter my prison

  and realise my dreams?

Yet I have everything I want

  within these four walls

For when you pull back  the thick blanket

  of woes and struggles

 The heart of the home is revealed

And it is love.

Joining us together,

  binding our strengths,

  wrapping us in hope.

Love.

© www.mypastmademe.com 2011

Not today …

A Study In Pink by Maggie Smith/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 I want to write something beautiful …

A sonnet to make your heart sing,

a verse to fill your head with dreams

Cherry blossom falling,

  raining like confetti

A dewdrop on an open rose,

glistening as a new day dawns

Rose From The Garden by Bill Perry/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

An iris swaying in the summer breeze,

  as blue as an azure sky

A fairytale ending,

  soulmates bonded for eternity

But my eyes are stinging,

  swollen from tears

I wish you love and hope,

  but I cannot write something beautiful today

© www.mypastmademe.com 2011

 

My entry for Luna’s Poetry Month Clambake (Week 3)

The Fabric of Time

This poem is ‘forced’ and I think it shows … but I wanted to join in Luna’s Poetry Month Clambake (Week 1)  🙂

The clock ticking,

  the swell of my heart burdensome

  as emotions spill forth

The pillow sodden,

  tears absorbed, lost in the fabric

Memories flickering like a cinema reel

  age 8, carefree

  age 13, shy and unworldly

  age 23, believing, hopeful

  29, broken.

Tick tock

Time doesn’t stop

© www.mypastmademe.com 2011

Thanks Luna!

Still of the Night

There’s a moment

  during the still, heavy night

where my senses are awakened

  the darkness wrapping itself around me

my body quivering

my mind sharp

And my attention is focussed,

  albeit fleetingly

on our fragile existence

our frailty and innocence

trusting strangers to fade into the fog

listening to loved ones’ soft breath

the covers rising with rhythmic grace

As hundreds sleep or despair

While the world turns

  and the guns fire

The blazing bullets of sleep

Crashing home to my eyelids

Allowing me to once again forget

  and slumber till morn

© www.mypastmademe.com 2011

A Sense

If I could be a thought, a sense

Being pulled along, trapped in the air

Turning this way and that

A flurry of feeling

Draping, catching everything in my path

Coating it with love

A love so wholesome and strong

  that the flowers open up just for me

Just for having been touched by me

Craning to see where the wind takes me

My friends and I whispering along

All joined with invisible wire

A smooth, clean rope with no rough edges

Giggling in the daylight

Laughing at life, learning to live

Wide-eyed and wondrous

© www.mypastmademe.com 2011