Celestial Wishes.

Spirit by dan

“Spirit” by dan courtesy of http://www.FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

My love,

May you brighten up the velvet nights

a diamond amongst the stars.

May you paint magnificent rainbows

as you watch us from afar.

May you know I would do anything just for one more day,

I still have so much to tell you, so much more I need to say.

May you still remember the best of me,

may you somehow know the truth.

May you feel the neverending love

we will always have for you.

May we feel you stand beside us

seeing you without sight

May you share in the joy you gave us,

our beacon, our guiding light.

May you realise I still loved you,

always will, my precious soul

… that the words were said inside my head

… that you still made me whole

May you know I am lost without you,

my love, my dear, my sweet,

my heart now barely beating …

each day the greatest feat.

May you feel my thanks, my gratitude

for everything we shared

we packed so much in those few years

I still deeply loved and cared.

May you soar like an eagle,

my beautiful, innocent man,

not feel any sorrow or worry

… I’ll do the best I can.

May you walk alongside our children

feel their laughter, stem their tears,

guide them, love them, watch them

give them comfort through their fears.

May you always know the truth

of the feelings I still held for you,

that if I’d recognised my stubbornness

I’d have rushed to start anew.

Oh my love, I feel so broken

You are no longer here

So many things we went through,

now everything is clear.

Life, it overtook us,

clouded up our view;

something once so precious and perfect

took on a rusty hue.

We let our love escape, but you found it within again

yet I selfishly denied my own

fearful, too proud  … and then

God took you

and destroyed me

I’ll never understand.

And it was only then I realised

that you’d always held my hand.

© mypastmademe.com 2016

 

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Angelic Inspiration

 

Golden Angel On White image courtesy of artur84 at www.freedigitalphotos.net

Golden Angel On White image courtesy of artur84 at http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

Nearly a year has passed

An arch of time

an ache within many hearts

Enveloped in reminders

thoughts left unsaid

Your smile steering me

your will inspiring

These things are decided

events which cannot be undone

Tears still flow

and you are still not here

I ask for help

in believing that you are.

© mypastmademe.com 2014

Stop. Go.

 

I have written several sentences on this screen and deleted each one, not quite sure what to write.  I want to post, want normality, but the world changed for me in February with the loss of a very dear friend.  I think of him every day, more so on sunny days.

It is a tragedy that sometimes it takes the loss of a special soul to make us realise that we were not living.  It all felt so dark at first, such a shock … but then my beliefs helped me through.  In recent weeks I have cried more, but I can also look up and smile, and speak.  I send love and healing to his loved ones and others feeling his loss … it eases the ache and makes me feel like I’m helping.

My heart is so heavy.  To all those whom I’d ever sympathised with before, consoled for their loss, I never truly realised the depths of the pain.  I have been so lucky, so blessed … just as I was to know this man, this special person who lit up everyone he met.

There are poems somewhere … I know I wrote a bit when the numbness began to fade, but I don’t know where they are.  They will turn up, and I will register the rainbows once again … soon.  But not yet.

I think this world is so harsh … not just in terms of Mother Nature’s wrath, or the terrible acts committed by some people, the reasons behind them … but in so many ways people just seem to barge their way through the world without taking stock, without caring or attending to others’ feelings.  I will never fully understand why someone who was so genuine and honest had to leave so soon, and there will always be a chink in my heart … the scar of loss … a friend of many years with whom I shared an unspoken bond, someone who helped me through tough times and, I hope, took comfort from my words in hard times also.  It was a privilege to watch him take flight … to soar, to accomplish, and ultimately find happiness with his soulmate whose grief I cannot imagine.

I sit here typing and I know I am not the same person I was when I started this blog.  My priorities have changed, my values have deepened … I am altered.  I value myself more now and I finally know exactly who I am.  The path still stretches ahead of me, my destination uncertain … but the journey is wondrous and there are lanterns aglow way further than I can see.  I miss my friend.  I know he will always light a beacon for me to head towards when I begin to feel lost.  It is an inner conflict that I feel the happiest I’ve ever felt, yet the world has dimmed and I can’t undo it.  Acceptance is the only way forward, bolstered with love and hope.

Be kind to each other.  Cherish those you love; tell them what they mean to you.  I will be back soon. x

 

Rainbow by Rosemary Ratcliff courtesy of www.FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

Guardian

“Angel Standing At Sunset”/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

 

 

 

 

 

Your vibrancy stills me

Eloquence that pervades me

Heart on your sleeve

Strength emanating …

Two extremes, you are

with your wit, your soul

Such humour, wrapping me up

Years since I felt the joy of laughter

Kindred spirits, we are

The same

an intangible connection

©www.mypastmademe.com 2012

 

Resurgence

Crystal Chandelier by Nutdanai Apikhomboonwaroot/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Challenges used to call

relished

faced

Confidence would suffocate fear

complete

smothered

Positive would quash negative

fuelled

encouraged

These are the facets now discoloured

smudged

Traits within, long since trampled

buried

The rope of youth hangs near

trailing from the skies of my conscience

Climb it, I will

Pull myself up

Preserve my spirit

Soar

like I once did

© www.mypastmademe.com 2012

Girl On Swing by Vlado/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Prophecy Overturned.

You will suffer heartbreak

You will be fearful of your protector

You will escape only to be imprisoned

Your heart will be healed, only to be burned

You will be haunted by deceit

You will cry enough tears for three

You will be left with nothing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have everything I need

And more.

My heart is full.

My spirit shines.

I want for nothing.

© www.mypastmademe.com